Changes, they are a comin'

Three years ago I was horribly bored. I had nothing much going on beyond work and my husband. On my lunch breaks I would cruise websites looking for vintage clothing that I wanted. When I found something I liked I'd post a link up on my Facebook wall simply stating, "Today I want this". My friends (they're quite the fashionable bunch my friends) seemed to truly enjoy my daily desires and two in particular (Kristen and Jane) encouraged me to start a blog.

Voila!

www.today--i--want.blogspot.com is born. 

Check out my first official blog post: Grunge is lame

It was fun, coming up with ensembles and piecing them together on my trusty Macbook in Photoshop. It filled hours of down time completing five posts a week at home while my husband was at band practice, or studying for grad school, or prepping for a DJ night, or, well you get the idea. He's a busy dude.

Blogging gave me a much craved for creative outlet.

Since then let's just say my life has taken quite the 180. I've decided to return to college and pursue a degree in Digital Media and Web Technologies. Much more practical than a Bachelors in Music Performance. I've become a freelance social media consultant. I've styled photo shoots for some pretty rockin' photographers. I've modeled for some pretty rockin' photographers. I've been approached by companies to be featured as a trendsetter.  I've met hundreds of bloggers local and across the states. I've learned about the business of blogging through trial and error as well as blogger communities. I've become one of the main voices for Blog Trends. I've grown immensely both personally and professionally.

Sometimes though, ignorance is bliss. I find myself struggling these days with my blog. I'm so busy with other aspects of life that I find what I truly want today is to just take a nap or read a book.  Not quite the same "Today I Want" I used to have. All the behind the scenes knowledge of blogging I've gained over the years has, for me, been somewhat detrimental. I feel as though I've gone astray. What  is  my blog anymore? Who am  I  anymore?

The numbers game has blurred everything. Must post more pics of myself, those post get the highest views. Must post instagram weekly round up, that's what everyone is doing these days. Must do THIS. Must do THAT. Numbers, numbers, numbers! I'm in sharing overload. Here's my dinner, here's my cat, here's my shoes, here's my lipstick, here's my coffee... Aren't I FABULOUS?

Aren't I? That's another thing, when you are so aware of your website statistics you tend to take things very personally. Well, maybe not you but definitely me. I take it all personally. For some, and for me in particular the world of blogging can be tough. It's a steep slippery slope of anxiety. Why didn't I get invited to that event? Why didn't that company send me products to sample? Why didn't that blogger want to collaborate with me?

To the point, it's time. I've reevaluated what I want.

Today I want to give myself a break.

What that means exactly, I'm not sure. What I hope is that you, my readers, my friends, will understand that this is necessary and will bear with me through this awkward phase while I work out what is a better posting schedule for me and what exactly I want to share with you. It means the world to me that I still have a solid fan base so to speak, you guys are oh so rock n roll. I can't express how important your comments and positivity have always been for me!


Finally I want to reiterate that these are just  my  personal experience and emotions. I don't in anyway mean to say that it is a given in the blogging community to experience anxiety and exhaustion. I'm sure a great many bloggers never feel this way and love and thrive in every moment. I've met some super awesome people through my blogging adventures and am very grateful for that.

A big thank you to these people for always being there for me 

whether it's shenanigans or a shoulder to lean on.